I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
