Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
