I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
