I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
