A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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