I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
