so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
