Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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