I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
