We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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