new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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