I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
