did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
