You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
