kristin has been a bad kristin
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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