Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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