So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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