you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
