If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize