it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
