'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
