My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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