i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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