my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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