Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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