I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
