dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
