he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
