I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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