you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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