I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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