THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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