You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
