Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
