i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
