I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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