the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My liver is preforming stress tests.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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