Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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