Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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