last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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