OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
