How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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