Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
