Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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