He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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