i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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