Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
