The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
