I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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