hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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