what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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