Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
