I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
