I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
