It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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