I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We left the knife in your bed.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
