i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Randomize
