I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
