He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I didn't notice because vodka
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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