Don't you send me to vm
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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