I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i came on her dog
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
BRING THE BAGELS
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
