I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
