so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
