I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
