Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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