I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
