I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
