the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sorry about my life...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
