I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
