Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
