what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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