I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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