I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
