i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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